Carry The Torch

Trans Voices In Trump's America #5

in August I asked him via text "Are you registered for voting this november"

him/them. The person I dated for a wonderful t4t bi4bi year in 2023. after which he said they need a break from relationships for mental health reasons.

(I won't name him here, but they will recognize himself if they read this.)

what do I call him? my ex? that implies there is some animus between them and I, implies we don’t love each other.

I love him, all of them, his fatness, their transness, his bisexualness, their spiritfulness, his veganness, their kindness.

he answered my text with "Im still undocumented lol"

I texted back "Oh shit I didn't know"

(how this fact had never come up in conversation between us prior, I don't have a clue)

and they texted back "I don't even know if I'll be allowed to renew my work permit if Trump gets elected"

my heart sank.

"just marry me and share my citizenship" I typed, only half joking. or more like one-third joking.

but I hesitated to send it.

I searched the internet... and then when I sent the message, I added on "but apparently you have to first be married for three years and then also go through a whole long process (sweat emoji)"

they texted back "Yea tbh I did think to ask you about this but it's a lot"

he's right. it is a lot.

everything is a lot.

that was August. this is November. this is post-election.

everything is still a lot.

on November 6 I woke at 6, and checked the results (after delaying it a few minutes), and texted him "Sad news from the election (tearful emoji)"

they texted back "I delivered an Uber order to someone called Donald W. I thought it would be a troll but they seemed sad too"

we live in texas. austin area, but sadly still texas. under the thumb of ted goddamn cruz and greg goddamn abbott and ken goddamn paxton.

(one day, at a queer social meetup, someone asked about my "fuck greg abbott" pin button. "who is greg abbott and why are we fucking him?" she asked, and I hope that I gave her a memorable answer.)

everything, especially here, is extremely a lot.

but I still hold on to hope, and I still burn with resistance. resistance, and unquenchable love.